#bosswitch brain - eyes on your own paper
years ago, back when i first started seriously thinking of my business as a business (rather than as a creative outlet/hobby that made me some side money), i remember complaining to my biz coach at the time about other designers releasing patterns around the same time as my own pattern launches and how (i perceived erroneously) that was impacting my sales. my coach looked at me seriously over the video call and said, “ash, keep your eyes on your own paper.” years later, i still remember that moment, and regularly say it both to myself when i feel old insecurity monsters creeping in and also to my friends when they have their own moments of scarcity-bred fear.
here’s the most important part of this story: my perception of what others (in my industry or not) were doing was
not based in actual reality because i have no fucking clue what their lives/businesses are actually like
was based in my own insecurities and self-doubt that i could actually make a serious go of my baby creative business, which has nothing to do with other people
ultimately irrelevant because even if on the extremely unlikely chance, someone else somehow had an insight into my biz and schedule and upcoming deadlines and was intentionally trying to fuck with them (take a moment to think about how much negative energy that would require and also how much access, and then seriously consider how likely/unlikely it would be), i can’t control them and they can’t control all my customers. i can only control myself and what i’m doing in the world.
keep your eyes on your own paper has become a motto of sorts for me, and while i sometimes take it literally - as in, i take social media apps off my phone, close my pinterest tab, and focus my creative energy on the tasks directly in front of me - i also think of it metaphorically. when my eyes are up and i’m in a good headspace, i get to revel in the incredible diverse creativity and beauty put out into the world by others, and to celebrate that with them. when i’m feeling insecure and my headspace shifts into scarcity mode though, i notice that i lose the ability to celebrate the works of others. i get cranky and jealous and lose my confidence, and start to make assumptions about how wonderful their lives must be because of (usually) a curated square on a social media platform. all this despite having literally no idea what their actual life looks like - whether they’re battling health issues, fighting with a partner, navigating hard stages of parenthood, terrified of their bank account balance, mourning a lost friendship, feeling drained by mental health issues. maybe their life is incredible, maybe it’s not, maybe they had a 6-figure quarter with a high 5-figure salary bump and it’s made a bunch of things easier, maybe it’s had little to no impact on their day-to-day struggles. i don’t fucking know, and it’s also none of my fucking business.
basing my actions/inactions on a fear and scarcity-based mentality does me, and anyone else i’m trying to help with my offers, absolutely no good. since that moment on the video call years ago, on most days i try to operate from the mindset that there is space for all of us. considering how honestly noisey my industry has become in the years since that coaching call, it’s only proven that there’s definitely space for all of us, because i’ve continued to grow my business and release more patterns while the available patterns and indie designers has increased by literally hundreds of thousands and thousands (respectively) in the same time frame. if one designer releasing a single new pattern at the same time as me actually made my business live or die, i’d have been fucked a long time ago.
i heard a comment on a podcast recently that “envy points us towards what we want.” i found myself nodding in agreement, because ultimately at the core of every moment of jealousy or envy, there is a sense of “i wish i had that.” the “that” could be a relationship, or a successful launch, or hitting a certain number at the end of a quarter. and when we dig further into those things, they lead to a truer core - a loving and healthy partnership, a deeply invested friendship, the time and breathing room to enjoy a good vacation after a strong period of work created by an influx of cash flow. the shadow side of that envy sits in the self-doubt of “i can’t have that because i’m not good enough,” which is fed by capitalism’s (lying) insistence that success is a) singularly defined and b) finitely limited so that one person’s success must require someone else’s failure. these are unhelpful and also inherently untrue binaries.
a great way to fuck with capitalism is to start working on your mindset around scarcity and abundance. it’s a long-term game for sure - i’ve been working on it for years and still regularly find myself fighting it. the difference these days is that i’ve found myself more consistently working from abundance, and recognizing the moments that scarcity has taken the wheel and checking myself in those moments to
bring my eyes back to my own paper
look at actual data and articulate my emotions so i know what i’m actually working with
get creative and see what i am in control of and can pivot so that the scarcity doesn’t call the final shots in that moment
the next time you feel yourself slipping into scarcity mode, think to yourself, keep your eyes on your own paper, and get refocused on the work directly in front of you. and try not to beat yourself up when it happens. we’re all works-in-progress, and that’s a good thing. it means we’re actively living.
if you’re ready to step into your own #bosswitch boots and create your dream life with confidence, join me in the creative coven online design course! this self-paced program will take you from casting on and writing your first pattern to running a long-term sustainable and supportive creative biz with knitwear design. with pre-recorded videos that you can return to whenever you need, to 24/7 access to my favourite tools and resources for running your online biz, you’ll be able to take the pattern ideas in your head and put them out into the world AND make money while you do it. check it out here.
if you’re not sure if you’ve got the creative confidence yet, try out the creative coven challenge in the creative coven community to see just how many ideas are waiting to pour out of you. we’ll be running a LIVE version of the creative coven challenge from february 21-25 - join us here and get my direct feedback to help you on your creative way!
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